Posted By Contributor, Lisa Robertson
I have three lovely little boys. They are wonderful children and while they can act up and get in trouble just like any other child (and by child…I mean daughters), they are blessing and I can’t imagine my life without them.
That being said, as a mother of three little boys, other mothers and fathers—of all ages and ethnicities—seem to love to comment on our family status. I can never understand why they feel compelled to do this, but here are the top 5 offensive things I often hear while out and about with my three sons.
1. ” Wow. Three boys, huh? I am so sorry.”
The first time I heard someone tell me how sorry they feel for me because I have three healthy young sons, I was shocked and insulted and one hundred times later, it’s just as offensive. I would never, ever walk up to a mother with one child (healthy or unhealthy) and tell them I felt sorry for them for having that child. Can you imagine the audacity of walking up to a mother at Target who is shopping with her one toddler in a shopping cart and saying, “Oh my gosh! I feel so sorry that you have that one child!”
It would be insane and ridiculous for anyone to walk up to a woman with one or even two children and say that to them, but adults seem to have absolutely no problem approaching me at Target, Disneyland, and the like to provide me with condolences on my having three healthy, intelligent and relatively well-behaved sons. It is completely insulting and it is unacceptable to say a comment like this to any parent with any child.
2. “Are all three of them yours?”
This one is beyond me and I can never understand where people are coming from when they ask me this. So what if they are or aren’t all mine? And by “mine” are they asking if I stole them? Adopted them? Gave birth to them? Babysitting someone else’s three boys? And…if they aren’t all three “mine,” why is it anyone’s business if those children belong to me? (Unless, of course you are a police officer inquiring about a kidnapped child…then ask away.)
Oh, and if you don’t believe I get this comment, I once got it TWICE in one day while shopping with my kids at the Empire Center. Twice. From employees at different stores while paying.
3. “I bet you wish you had a girl.”
Let’s just put it out there that a lot of families would like to have one of each gender when it comes to children, and I would be lying if I didn’t say that I would have loved to have had a daughter. Nonetheless, I’m always taken aback when a perfect stranger asks me this. Again, like with the other absurd comments I get, it’s none of their business. Second of all, that comment implies that I wish I didn’t have one of my sons, which is clearly ridiculous.
4. “You shouldn’t give up on having a girl. You should keep trying.”
Whether or not I reproduce more children is my business and for the record, I am plenty busy and fulfilled with my three children. Plus, my house and car just won’t accommodate one more child. Also, at what point would these people suggest I “stop trying” and in the process, if I were to have more boys, does that belittle their existence?
5. “It’s too bad you don’t have a daughter since boys are more likely to spend time with their wives’ families once they get married.”
This “doom and gloom” look at my future family structure is, again, nobody’s business and goes along with a notion that sons do not love their parents the way daughters do. My children are loving souls and we are a close-knit family. While time will tell when it comes to our family’s future dynamics, I think the audacity of this comment from strangers is both shocking and sad.
So there you have it: the things that strangers have the audacity to say to me because I have three boys. I have talked to other moms in all stages of life in the “Three Boys Club” about this and they concur that they’ve gotten similar comments from other adults as their children have been growing up. Next time you see me…or a mom like me… instead of looking shocked and dismayed at our children, think before you speak and know we love our children very much because they are our kids–not because of their gender or how many of them there are.
For more light-hearted content and Disney-inspired happy thoughts, follow Lisa on Twitter or Instagram or her blog (Babes In Disneyland) on Facebook.
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As a mom of THREE BOYS, I feel your pain! I would not trade my three for the world- or a daughter at that! 😉 I totally agree with this post and wouldn’t dare say any of these things to a mom. I have been following you and your blog for a while now and I’d love to have our three boys meet up for a fun day at the park!! 🙂
I heard them all and then some! I have three boys and a girl…once she was born the comments got worst. Rose among thorns was one of them.
Stef – That’s just awful. 🙁
I sure would love to get our boys together at Disneyland too!!! 🙂
As a fellow mom of 3 boys I would get those comments sometimes, but really they would just say that I had my hands full (to which I agreed!).
But now that I have my girl, it’s changed to “finally have your girl huh”, which rubs me the wrong way because it’s almost like I wasn’t going to be happy with my 3 boys until I had my girl.
I dunno, maybe I read too much into it, but I just feel like it belittles my boys when they say “finally have your girl!”.
I agree, Lydia, that it absolutely belittles the boys.
as a mom of 4 boys I have heard all of these! I also get “you aren’t going to keep trying until you get a girl are you?” a lot
You gotta love it, Emily! I just don’t know what people are thinking!!!
I have 6 boys and hear these kind of comments several times a day!
I am a mom of four boys. I’ve heard all of the above and then some. I am often made to feel like a circus attraction when out in public with all of them. I get the “all yours?” & “no girls” comment everyte I go out. It never fails! I simply reply that I am one blessed woman!
Lisa, this is a great post! I have 2 girls and a boy and I get all kinds of comments like “Are they ALL yours?” and “Boy, you’re braver than I am” It’s crazy. I wont even go into the comments I got while pregnant!
Just as bad when with my 3 kids (twin girls and a boy – 2 yrs apart), when someone would ask, “Are they twins?” My “yes” answer prompted this remark: “Better you than me.” After the shock of that comment I’d think to myself, “Yes, better me than you!”
Regarding #5: My wife can add some more clarified insight to this. She was an admissions and marketing director for a senior rehab hospital for a number of years. 9 times out of 10, daughters were the primary child managing the admissions and care coordination for a sick elderly parent.
This is not a value judgment, but an empirical sociological observation. For better or for worse. I imagine that in families only with sons, I’m certain a son steps up just the same.
Dear Father and Son,
Thank you for your “insight.” My husband tirelessly advocates for his mother with Alzheimer’s who is in a facility. He stays up at night worried about her and cares for her deeply.
Did you not JUST read this article? NEVER SAY THAT IT’S INSENSITVE. dumb ass.
I have 2 daughters and 1 son. I love them all dearly. BUT, I always say I rather raise 10 boys than 1 girl.
Imagine what I hear with 6 boys and no girls. It’s so sad what people think is acceptable to say to others.
Yey! Congrats on your clan. Boys are amazing.
I have four boys and I have heard all these but the last one. I also get, “You have your hands full.” All the time. GAH. Why do people say these things?
I got those kinds of comments from having 3 girls. “Are you going to try for a boy?”. And when I was pregnant I got “I sure hope this one’s a boy!”. And now that he’s here I get “you finally got your boy!”. Like having girls was less significant some how. We wanted children, and God picked the genders.
I am a mother of 3. 2 girls 1 boy and I get some of these comments as well but never feel insulted. I don’t take it personal at all and there is no reason to. Some people are just making an observation and voicing it. Any person with children has their hands full. When someone make the comment of you finally have your girl/boy doesn’t mean they are belittling your other children they are just happy for you and probably don’t know what else to say. They probably ask if they are all yours because you look good for having that many kids. Which in these times many families are opting to have 1 or 2 kids. I would say don’t take it personal. I’m sure most of them don’t mean to insult. Just breath.
My thoughts exactly. I have 3 girls and 1 boy and I’ve heard every comment there is. I’ve never taken it personally. People don’t think before they speak and most are not meaning to be offensive. And I’m sure every single person who’s saying they’re offended has said something to someone else that that person was offended by. So everyone needs to let comments roll off their backs.
I agree that it is important to let them roll of your back. I think the biggest problem is the fact that people say them right in front of the children.
I have three boys. We always wanted four, but after the third we were feeling blessed and considering closing the door. I shockingly got pregnant with my fourth and was surprised, happy, nervous and thankful I could stop contemplating another – the decision was made. After about a dozen ultra sounds and still no determination on the sex I gave birth to a little girl. I was really happy, felt blessed, the boys we’re overjoyed but, would have been really happy for another boy too! EVERYONE assumes I was trying until I got a girl! Sooooo annoying!
My favorite was in the hospital after giving birth to my third son every nurse that walked into the room would say “oh My Three Sons!!” I also get very tired of hearing boys are easier than girls be glad you don’t have girls. This coming from girls at work that only have girl and do not have boys. Boys can be just as moody and emotional as girls.
Coming from a family of two older boys and two much younger girls, I couldn’t help but think back to my childhood. When there was just my bro and I, my mom would hear many of those comments. Then my sisters came along and she still got similar comments… just variations on them. I don’t know what this says about people’s worldview in regards to kids or if it is just a crutch but… it is a bit ridiculous and in my head… way too personal for giving advice about reproductive habits.
With all of that said, what a fun read. Hopefully it gives perspective to people in the future!
I have 3 boys. Triplets! So you could imagine the ridiculous comments… I get all of those then some. I am always amazed at how many strangers “apologize” to me for the fact that I have 3 boys. They are beautiful, funny, and loving toddlers.
People can be real simpletons with some of the stupid comments that fly from their mouths. I’ve heard them all as a mom of boys only, and, often, when they speak of gender, their own personal preferences are being projected. What people don’t seem to appreciate is that I wouldn’t trade any of my sons for any girl out there. I’ve seen girls, some cute and some, frankly, not so cute. Each of our boys is such an individual. The notion that somehow a girl ‘completes’ things is one of ignorance. ‘Your girl’ might not have the imagined fairy-tale wedding, she might be lesbian and elope or choose to never marry. ‘Your girl’ might hate the color pink. ‘Your girl’ might make your life a living nightmare and never visit or speak with you again. My boys are all ‘Mama’s boys.’ Daddy’s too. With each boy in our home, we’ve had more laughter, more good times and more to love.