Sugar was something I could get away with as a child. Most of us can, really. I was a college athlete who also could get away with abusing food, because I was working out more than my peers. The Freshman 15 never got me. My exercise could cover my eating disorder. I’ll say disorder, because that’s what a disorder is. It’s not just Anorexia and Bulimia. It’s also Compulsive Overeating. Eating bags of chocolate for a meal? Yup. I’ve done that more times than I care to admit. Hiding food wrappers so my children won’t see what I’m consuming? Done that too. Sugar is my addiction. And I’m just lightly covering my abuse here.
I had become so good at dealing with how I was feeling using food, it’s no wonder I wasn’t obese. I guess my genetics has something to do with that, but the older I get, the less my genetics can help. Age and metabolism have a role. 2014 was a year when I half-jokingly made a resolution to “not look pregnant” anymore. After all, it had been 4 years since the birth of my last baby. But, by the time Fall came, I had not done anything to work at that goal. As a matter of fact, I went the entire summer of 2014 never having put on a swimsuit, because I was too uncomfortable. I don’t care your size… you can be a size 24 and rock a swimsuit…if you feel good about yourself. I did not. It’s not about size. It’s not about weight…it’s about how you feel.
You see, at that point, I had been so used to handling any situation with food, I was incapable of understanding how I would change. I had tried many times…and many ways. Food had such a hold on me. My parents’ divorce at 16, my mother’s first round with breast cancer, getting married and moving thousands of miles away from my family, figuring out marriage at a young age, having children with no family around, losing my mother to breast cancer, being a busy mother to three and a wife to one…. life. Life happens and I use food.
What the what?? My hypocrisy was shining bright and as the New Year approached, I was starting to do more research on food and addiction. I have loved ones close to me who have worked hard on their own sobriety from alcohol and drugs, I had learned a lot about addiction. Sugar….can be an addiction. Food… is a choice.
I digress… food was something I was starting to pay attention to as 2015 rang in. Again, I made the same resolution…”Don’t look pregnant.” This wasn’t even for vanity reasons, I’m a pretty low maintenance girl. It was because I didn’t feel well, and I was not taking care of myself. I started watching documentaries like GMO/OMG and FOOD Inc. I started really paying attention to what I was putting in my family’s bodies. But, I was still abusing sugar myself.
I spent the next week researching Whole30 and practicing eating a few things without Dairy, Sugar, Soy, Grains, Beans and Alcohol. I decided this was something I was going to try and waiting another month for my friend wouldn’t work, I would only sabotage myself further.
So, I started my first Whole30 on February 15th. I made a sticker chart and really did it. I finished that one and did another. I started my third Whole 30 on April 14th and my husband has joined me on this one. This is not something I’m going to do forever. The Whole30 is meant to give you time to rid your body of things that could be doing harm to your body…and then reintroduce them. (Not sure sugar should ever be reintroduced) However, after 30 days, I knew I wasnt ready to stop. My physical results were amazing (I’ll bravely share those next time). My emotional results were just getting started. In my second Whole30, I nearly had a tearful breakdown in Trader Joes thinking about all those amazing goodies above the frozen food aisle. Oh, how I still longed to buy a container of any of it and consume it in the parking lot.
At that point, I knew I wasn’t ready to stop. My body and mind were not ready to commit to my heart yet. So…Whole90 or bust!
I share this with you, because just like my friend inspired me to make a change..I hope one person is inspired by what I’m doing. Just one. It doesn’t have to be Whole30...just a change to take control of our lives and how we treat ourselves.
This is important.
I plan to share with you many, many tips and my results, both physically and mentally. Change is possible. Permanent change is possible.